The 15 funniest lines from films

Terry Jones in Monty Python's The Life of Brian

Abrilliant line from a favourite movie will stay with you through the decades – even more so if it’s a funny one. Here are 15 of the most memorable one-liners from the silver screen, as repeated by dads everywhere at the slightest opportunity.
He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy. Terry Jones as Brian’s mother in Life of Brian (1979)

[“Surely you can’t be serious?”] I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley. Leslie Nielsen as Dr Rumack in Airplane! (1980)

You can’t fool me! There ain’t no Sanity Clause! Chico Marx as Fiorello in A Night at the Opera (1935)

Do you have a licence for your minkey? Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau in The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room. Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley in Dr Strangelove (1963)

Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb
War games: Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove CREDIT: REX

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Robert De Niro as Jack Byrnes in Meet the Parents (2000)

I have a very low threshold of death. Woody Allen as Jimmy Bond, objecting to facing a firing squad, in Casino Royale (1967)

We’ve gone on holiday by mistake. Richard E Grant as Withnail in Withnail & I (1986)

Richard E Grant and Paul McGann in Withnail & I
Wet weekend: Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann in Withnail & I CREDIT: ALPHA PRESS

[“Water polo – isn’t that terribly dangerous?”] I’ll say. I had two ponies drowned under me. Tony Curtis as Junior in Some Like It Hot (1959)

[“I’m going to take a bath.”] I’ll alert the media. Sir John Gielgud as Hobson in Arthur (1981)

You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. Michael Caine as Charlie Croker in The Italian Job (1969)

Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis in Some Like it Hot
Sassy: Marilyn Monroe and Tony Curtis in Some Like it Hot CREDIT: THE KOBAL COLLECTION

Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this and totally redeem yourself. Jeff Daniels as Harry Dunne in 
Dumb and Dumber (1994)

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer. Jim Carey as Ace in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

I’ll have what she’s having. Older woman customer in When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me.  Kenneth Williams as Julius Caesar in Carry On Cleo (1964)


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